Excerpt Lorazepam & the Valley of Skin

Restlessness, difficulty falling asleep.
 
A sudden, intense interest in parlor tricks and tidying.
Obsessions: avocados – an intense desire for avocados.
 
I can eat when I’m dead.
 
An interest in the trappings of the supernatural,
that is mostly a put on. Not so much the ghosts,
I am too aware of the disorder of the mind.
 
She bought me a pill-box, once.
 
He said to me the other day, he said —
“You know what I love about you, Angie?”
“What?”
“You love shoes as much as I do.”
“Actually, I think you love shoes more than me.
I think you love shoes the way I did five years ago.”
 
Cucumbers? High fever? Low fever?
You give me fever
Frome a girl in karaoke —
Plump, creamy, waited all night to sing,
Voice like a molten coal.
 
He has bronchitis, I think.
 
We sit and take notes, make lists.
 
This was the summer of Sangria and cards, the summer I got a record player and played my old sounds again, the summer I stopped eating, the summer of schizophrenia, engagements, and love.
 
Love, in fact.
 
Love, again.
 
Desire for straightening, for order.
 
She said, “Buy a thermometer.”
She said, “The font should be Ariel Bold.”
 
The font should be Helvetica.
 
The sadness of the discontinued font,
The darkness of the discontinued font.
 
I can eat when I’m dead.